a small victory for me.
you know, i’ve spent a lot of time telling myself this One Thing, this statement that i wanted to badly to come true, and you know what? it’s true: I really am glad I’m single. Amazing, huh? G and I were talking tonight, rehashing the traumas and rollercoaster highs of our serious relationships, her peter and my alex (both redheads, strange) and I realized something. I am happy, and I’m independent, and I don’t feel obligated or worried or anxiously frittering about my Future With Someone. And you know what? this is one of the last few years in my life that really are, and can be, devoted totally to me. Later on, down the line, i will want to share my life with someone. and i will want to have children, and the responsibility of that life. And i look forward to it. But now, now is just mine. and that feels really good.
and the funniest thing about this little seemingly-simplistic revelation is that it’s come hand-in-hand with the realization that i could finally be ready to try that whole love thing out again. i would no longer be doing it because it was purposefully doomed, or because there was no chance of falling in love, or because i was lonely. i’d be ready, to be an adult about it, and be happy with someone else, because i’m happy with myself.
and then i realized, the true marker, really, the saffron in the cream here: but i don’t need to. and that’s what makes the realization so much more satisfying – i could be capable of this, something i haven’t really wanted to venture into since 1999, and i’d be okay, and it’d be great – but i don’t need to.
so, yes. this was far more self-revelatory than necessary, and probably only remotely interesting to the girls that read this. but still. i’m happy being single. and this time, contrary to all the times i’ve said it in the past three years, i really mean it.
how nice.
and now, just to make you laugh after all that touchy-feely crap: a picture of josh dancing with genevieve while compensating for the height difference by being on his knees -
but you've been cut off at the knees! - oh, just a flesh wound. don't stop the tango!
i heart all of you. even the curmodgeonly ones.