rollercoaster
it hasn’t been a particularly good day. for a variety of reasons, my emotions have been playing uproarious see-saw games with each other. today was a kind of climax – i didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, because vix and i were up late, talking about love triangles, and high school, and casual sex, and other traumas. and so today at work, volatile was where I was at.
and then, around lunchtime, right at my emotional top-off limit, this little slice of heaven was delivered to my desk, because her proud papa had some errands to run down on the 42nd floor.
so for twenty minutes, baby julia and i communed. i let her pull on my ear while i told her all about what it feels like to be 22, alone in the naked city, and putting on a brave face. she told me (in so many words) what it’s like to poop on yourself. we communicated.
and the dusty corner of my heart that’s been aching so for weeks on end, the ennui that has been troubling me, just vanished for a few minutes. she nestled into my lap and sucked on her bottle while i quietly looked up some words in the dictionary. she made a valiant attempt to pull out the page that started with hot flash, and later attempted to eat the page ending with ne’er do well (yes, that word is in the dictionary). she’s going to be a smart cookie. i told her so. she smiled at me and chewed lazily on my finger.
and yes, i felt my ovaries kicking. duh.
but better than that, i was calm. for the first time all week. and that made me feel like crying all over again.
cheers,
k