i smoke. fucking deal with it.
“smoking wards off muesli-eating,
yoga-practicing, body-hair wearing,
vegetarian bores. smokers are
inevitably more interesting people
than non-smokers. despite the odds,
it continues to be cool; we know
this because christy turlington, mayor
mike bloomberg and vin diesel’s
character in XXX all condemn it.”
- william georgiades, in the march/april
blackbook, on quitting quitting smoking.
i smoke, people. i do. sometimes up to a pack a day. i started smoking about two years ago. i smoke kamel red lights. i turn one cigarette around in my pack and that’s my lucky cigarette. i pack my smokes – tight. i’m a left handed smoker. i like to smoke in the bathtub, with some sort of cocktail nearby. i smoke when i’m nervous. i smoke when i’m bored. i smoke when i play cards, or watch tv, or chat with my mom, or drive.
i’m a fiend. this has become a part of who i am. yes, it’s a nasty habit. yes, non-smokers probably don’t like kissing me or borrowing my clothes. yes, sometimes when i get lazy, my apartment smells like smoke [although i do a pretty good job with an army of smelly-plug-in thingys and vaccuuming all the time and washing the ashtrays out every night].
but you know what? i like smoking. when non-smokers find out i smoke, i always get the same probing look, followed by this horrifically leading, pointed question, “don’t you want to quit?” as if somehow, it will make them feel better about the world if i nod, allow them to pat me on the back, and say, “yes, yes, i do! i repent!”
but the fact is, i don’t want to quit any time soon. there are smokers in my life – great dear friends of mine – with whom it is an absolute treasure to sit down, look at each other, smile, and light up. we’re a dying breed, we laugh to each other. i don’t question too much why i smoke. what “societal” or “emotional” pressures and influences first led me to light up. what does it matter? i’m addicted now. and i don’t bloody mind my addiction.
i’ll quit when i damn well feel like it’s time. like everything else in my life, i will do as i please. what do i say when people ask me why i smoke?
because it’s awesome.
hey, can’t argue with that.

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