it’s not you, it’s me. baby, i’m sorry.
internet, we need to talk. i know you’ve been a little confused lately, maybe you’ve felt a little shut out. i didn’t mean to. internet, i love what we have. i love that there’s a little place for me here, that i have a little corner where i get to fuss with fonts and waste paid working hours and dabble in the color wheel. i love everything about you, internet, even the haters. i love all my webby friends, and how witty and charming and supportive you all are. internet, this past year has been awesome. you’re great. seriously, baby.
but i’ve been seeing a bunch of other people, internet. i’ve been thinking about you less and less these days. i gotta be honest with you, internet, because i think you deserve it. i’ve been all around town behind your back. i’ve had fun, and there have been whole days where i haven’t thought about you. i think its important i tell you, internet, who and what i’ve been seeing behind your back. maybe, you’ll understand.
stop blubbering for a second here, baby.
law school: look, i won’t deny it, law school’s a lot slicker than you. he’s got all the right moves, he’s promising me all kinds of dreams. law schools can keep me entertained for hours just thinking about his heady title courses and his elite cadre of fellow movers and shakers. to be honest, i talk about law school to all my other friends, internet. he’s part of my future, baby, y’know what i’m saying? i mean, law school has got the goods, baby, the goods.
the brooklyn gang: i’m sorry, internet. when you and me got together, honey, there wasn’t a whole lot going on in my social life, y’know? i mean, how many nights did we just stay home together, me lovingly tweaking your template, you showing me all these other peoples’ lives? c’mon, internet, we had some good times, eh? but now there are so many people out there! and we do stuff! internet, you never take me out anymore. well, you never did. i know staying home was your thing. but baby, i gotta see the world! i gotta talk to people! you don’t want to hold me back from that, do you?
okay, internet. i know, up until now, these have been some pretty meagre excuses. but you know, there’s another man. no, not law school, internet, he’s a silly intangible thing just like you. no, there’s actually a flesh-and-blood guy. and i’m grappling, baby, i’m seriously grappling, because i don’t think i know how to be honest with you about it, i don’t know if i want to get that personal with you, but i also won’t know what to say to you a lot of the times. because of this guy. and because, well, see? now i don’t know what to tell you, and i’m trying to explain it, you know, baby? i could tell you all kinds of things about it. i could tell you how he always asks how i’m doing, even though we talk every day. i could tell you how the thought of seeing him again and getting to laugh out loud in the same room with him again makes me all melty, and that’s not even sex. i could tell you how much i trust him, and how knock-kneed amazed i am that he trusts me too. see, but that would be spilling my guts out about love. and i don’t think i’m ready, internet.
for all these reasons and more, internet, i think i need to slow down our relationship. i know you love hearing from me everyday, and i used to love talking to you every day. but lately, it’s been feeling like a chore. and you don’t want that, right?
so here’s the thing. i know how you love my little stories, and my rants, and my little blips of life. so how’s this, internet – when i have something to say, i’m totally gonna tell you first. i swear. but let me spread these here arms out a little for a while. let me hug life a little, instead of hugging you. let me let summer, be summer. with all its ups and downs. with new love. with law school plans. with foolish dreams and hot sweaty nights. with friends, and brunches, and baseball games. chances are, internet, you’ll hear about all this. just … in a different way. and perhaps… not as often.
is that okay, internet? can we still be friends, sugarhoneypie? because baby, you are still one fine little internet.
i just need a little stretching room.