friends and enemies alike have long been aware of my oft-repeated threat to defend and/or deface them with my particular weapon of choice. the sentence usually goes something like this:
“i will SO TOTALLY smack you/her/him/them about the head/knees with my Pink Baseball Bat.”
see, because it’s a baseball bat. so it’s good for the smashy-smashy. but it’s also pink. which matches my smashing-outfit. which is probably some sort of pink vinyl catsuit. the Awesome Pink Baseball Bat of Style and Doom, however, has long been nothing more than a metaphor for my powers as charm-goddess and feared enemy combined. not so anymore.
as if i needed further proof that stuart is the new walking definition of the Perfectest Man Alive, i present you with his first real gift to me in his new capacity of Beloved:

seriously, people, the owl is now armed. and dangerous. and stylish to the hilt.

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