I think it was at some point in the paint store when we were deciding between THE RAPTURE and FLAMING SWORD that I realized the Baby Jesus was NOT going to be supportive of our office paint job.
We went with THE RAPTURE (which I will now refer to as WHORE OF BABYLON RED just to carry on the apocalyptic theme) after a muted but urgent discussion where words like “looks like a tomato” and “is that hooker red?” were bandied about.
But the real kicker of the evening was having to prime the walls with COTTON CANDY VOMIT PINK, because my prior roommate (NOT the Kate) had chosen to paint that room ELECTRIC ACID LILAC. Now people, you know I love pink. I love all shades of pink. I’m particularly fond of BALLET SLIPPER PINK, as well as NEON WATERMELON PINK, without forgetting SUNSET CLOUDS PINK. But from now on, there’s a shade of pink roaming the secret world under my bright red walls known as COTTON CANDY VOMIT PINK, and people, that is so not cool with me.
And there was a moment, when half the walls in our office were ELECTRIC ACID LILAC and the other half were already painted COTTON CANDY VOMIT PINK and we had two buckets of WHORE OF BABYLON RED at our feet and I seriously started to question our sanity.
Luckily, my Roller-ific husband covered the COTTON CANDY VOMIT PINK* before all the eggs in my ovaries died of mortification at the thought of ever being clad in that color, and soon enough, the only memory of that vomitously girly experience was the one dab of paint still on his cheek.
* Here’s the thing about that COLOR. The Seemingly Helpful And Trustworthy But Really Evil Guy at the Paint Counter at Home Depot told us we’d need TWO GALLONS of the COTTON CANDY VOMIT PINK to prime our 10x20x9 ft room with ONE COAT which is obviously completely CRAP and now we have a completely unopened gallon can of COTTON CANDY VOMIT PINK which in case you’re wondering looks a lot like THIS.
I am very angry with Seemingly Cool Because He Had Dreadlocks But Really Was Just An Evil Corporate Tool Home Depot Guy, but I can’t return this gallon of baby-store puke so if there’s anyone out there who:
1. is crazy enough to want to paint your walls this color
2. is colorblind but really hates their spouse
3. wants to repaint your enemy’s car/house/dog/grandma for revenge
give me a call, man. Have I got the CAN OF PAINT FOR YOU.
wherein all color names get capital letter treatment because it’s just that kind of day
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DAMN! Now that’s a good red!
did you know that red walls induce appetite? which is why dining rooms should be red. that was some crap my mother fed me when I asked why she painted our dining room red. she claimed she red it in Southern Living or something..
Coming from the evil corporate world of retail upper management (ugh!), I’m pretty darn sure you can go back to the Depot and explain your situation to them and if not get your money back – at least get a store credit. If they don’t budge ask for the manager and you’ll definitely get money or credit. They have what is called “oops paint” for their mistakes and COTTON CANDY VOMIT PINK is SO obviously an “oops” if you ask me.
It’s gonna take a WHOLE lot of stuffed animals and bean bags n’ shit to make that nursery appropriate.
The twins are gonna have nightmares.
Congratulations, you now live inside a Jolly Rancher.
the sad thing is that i like both the pink and the red and can’t wait to get into my new apartment so i can paint as well. are you guys planning on doing the ceiling in a different color, or are you going to leave it white? also, i think i’m getting even more jealous of you and stuart. he’s one heck of a hott man.
save the pink in case you have a girl ballerina and not a boy firefighter.
hee, jen. many hees.
I have news that will make you very happy. Very happy indeed.
Home Depot will take back your can of paint. They will take back any paint where it is obvious that you did not use what you needed and then tried to return the rest. They are a lovely, evil corporate despot.
the husband is key-yoot.
the red is purty and the cotton candy vomit pink is, indeed, vomitous.
we painted our bedroom a placid, calming light slate blue and our bathroom a cool light mossy green… but the office is, at this time… beige. blech.
I may just have to shamelessly rip off your lovely fiery red.
Let’s pause for a moment and reflect on the sacrifice all those little baby cotton candy sticks made so that you could prime your walls
ah, cotton candy vomit pink. the answer to the age-old question: what could possibly be worse than this electric acid lilac filth?
I have the exact same shade of red in my office with the exact pepto bismol pink under it, and I also have a left over can of puke primer from the wonderful people at Home Depot.
Wow. That is… RED. So, which room did you paint? ‘Cause if red stimulates appetite, then it should be the bedroom…