Wow. Hi. Anyone still there? Has it really been four days since I last posted?
Is there anything you guys want to hear about? Because I’m blank for ideas. I know – today is officially declared Question Day. I’ll be like the NYPL Reference Desk, only prettier and less accurate. Everyone that reads this is mandated to ask me
something*.
C’mon. I dare you.
Ed Note: Due to not making this the world’s LONGEST blogpost and thus discouraging you lazy slobs from scrolling down far enough to ask your own, I’m moving the growing pH Q&A to the Extended Section.
You keep asking, I’ll keep answering.
*I’m not mandated to answer but damn if I won’t try throughout the day, I swear.


Scooby Doo or Care Bears? – Steph
Steph, Care Bears are symbolic of the religious right and Scooby Doo is symbolic of draft-dodging pothead pinkos. So the real question is, which evil paradigm you prefer infecting your former husband’s new daughter with?
How’s Stuart’s job hunt? Do you have any good cupcake recipes? What are you reading? Have you seen the Lemony Snicket movie? How is your plant? Do you still have Rhonda? – akaellen
Akaellen, Stuart is currently taking a break from job hunting because we’re in between work-permit-periods (shakes fist at USCIS), but when he WAS job-hunting, it was actually going pretty well.
I actually don’t have a cupcake recipe because I haven’t made them from scratch, but here is a link to the Magnolia Cupcake recipe, which pH fully endorses and plans to actually bake someday.
I’m currently re-reading Roald Dahl’s Boy because I’m in between books that I want to read. Anyone who wants to mail me the new Jonathan Lethem or any Garrison Keillor books will be e-kissed copiously.
Yes, I’ve seen the Lemony Snicket movie and no, it doesn’t matter how pretty or good or Tim-Burton-esque it was, it’s not as good as the books.
I’m frankly sick of my plant, it actually takes WORK? This is some bullshit.
And yes, I still have Rhonda parked outside because my parents got delayed in Florida thanks to the blizzard and are still working out a time table to come retrieve her. I’m not even sure she’s going to start up again after a full week of being turned off in this weather.
Why do you drink your tea with Splenda but your coffee with sugar?- janna
Very observant, janna. The answer is, that’s what my mother does. The other answer is, I don’t like coffee without a fuckload of sugar in it – too bitter. This makes me a phillistine. Purists can go suck an egg. As for the Splenda, well, I like my tea to be sweet, but I think real sugar overpowers the subtle delicacy of a good strong tea, so I used to use mouse-killing Equal until Splenda was invented and now I’m all about the mysterious sugar-non-sugar product known as Splenda.
Okay. Despite my best efforts to stop being clumsy, why am I always walking into walls and furniture? And where did I get these bruises? Also where do babies come from? (the last one will be good practice for the future) – ms. mincemeat
My mom used to say that when you bump into walls it means you’re growing. But since adults don’t really grow anymore, ms. mincemeat, any chance you’re pregnant? Which leads me to my next question: babies happen every time God sneezes. Is that esoterically ridiculous enough of an answer?
to where would you like to travel next, both in practical terms (budget, time, obligation) and in ideal terms? as a die hard new yorker, what would you say are somethings i should show her that might not be the usual tourist-traps? what book(s) have you tried to read time and again but can’t get in to? how is your plant at the office doing? is skimming a blogpage punishable? – sassylittlepunkin
In practical terms, my next few travels will be England, England, and England. As soon as Stuart’s green card arrives and he can legally depart and return to the US, we’re going to england for a friend’s wedding, Christmas with his family, or both. Other than that, we might be jaunting down to Florida, courtesy of my awesome brother, to have some hang-time with him soon. In ideal terms – are you sitting down? My top five must-see-before-die places are: the Czech republic (thanks to Milan Kundera), Vienna (thanks to John Irving), Nepal (thanks to CMON it’s BEAUTIFUL), Granada (thanks to Stuart), Siwa (thanks to Alexander the Great. Seriously.).
Okay, in no particular order, the best non-touristy things to do with out-of-town guests are: sunset at the Battery Park City riverfront, Frrozen Hot Chocolate and decadent desserts at Serendipity (non-dieters only), the Sword-Poet of Washington Square Park (no idea when he’s there, but he slices oranges in half with his wooden sword while talking like Inigo Montoya), weekday dinner of brick-oven pizza at Grimaldi’s in Brooklyn, used record shopping at Bleeker Street Records, cafe-sipping on the Brighton Beach boardwalk (summer only), sharing a cheese pie with friends at Sal & Carmine’s on Broadway and 104th, riding the F train out to Arthur Ashe Stadium in the last car and watching the city slip away (summer only), exploring the north end of Central Park and Harlem Meer, an all-night BYOB jazz fest at Small’s (youthful only), and a pastrami-on-rye at Katz’s.
These are the only books on my shelf that I haven’t been able to finish and if you mock me for it I WILL TOTALLY CUT YOU: Joseph Heller’s Catch-22 (everyone says this is OMG SO GOOD and OMG I believe you I just can’t GET PAST THE FIRST 10 PAGES), Umberto Eco’s Name of the Rose (OMG SO MUCH THEOLOGY JUST GET ON WITH THE MURDER PLOT ALREADY), Nicholson Baker’s Everlasting Story of Nory (CRAP), and Jean Genet’s Les Bonnes (give me a break, it’s a PLAY, in FRENCH).
No, not really. I skim my friends’ pages all the time just looking for mention of myself Yes. I will now CUT OFF YOUR PUBLISHING FINGER.
Since you’re in between books, let me make a suggestion in the form of a question: Have you ever read Fred Chappell? Also, where does the white go when the snow melts? – Dave
No, I haven’t. Which would you recommend and who would you compare/equate his style to? And that second question is only palatable if it’s said in the style of a liberal-arts-college indie poet goddess at her first reading. So answer is “TO THE BLACK OF MY SOUL”, obviously.
If you could have one superpower, what would it be? – menderz
Honestly, people always say stuff like “the ability to stop time” or “super-fast speed” or “x-ray vision” or something really useful like that, but if everyone got their useful superpower wish then everyone would be really fast and time would keep stopping and dudes would be peeping through my clothes.
So just to play it safe, I’m going to wish for something REALLY INANE like “the ability to heal papercuts” or “a recractable pinky toe-nail of middling sharpness” or even maybe “a pet fly that does my bidding if it can”. I think that’ll probably guarantee I don’t have to listen to anyone say “with great power comes great responsbility” to me twenty times a day.
Does great power come with a side of great responsibility, or will I have to order a combo to get that? Can you biggie-size that for me? Why is biggie-size a verb and not an adjective or noun? – Gopi
Leave it to you, Gopi, to ask the difficult/incomprehensible/irrelevant questions. You must have been a Fox News Anchor in a former lifetime. You will need to order the combo, which costs an additional $642,328 (added to our original BARGAIN Great Power price of $3.99, before tax). If you read the fine print, you’ll notice that biggie-size, etymologically, comes to us straight from SATAN McDonald’s SATAN, and thus shouldn’t be a noun, adjective, OR verb, but rather BURNED AT THE WORDSTAKE.
two parts to this question – do you ever think about leaving New York and
if you do think about it, where else could you see yourself living? – sarah
Wow, Sarah, why don’t you just ask me if I believe in God, what my political views are, and if I like the death penalty. Just kidding, but you have no idea how complex of a question that is. Nonetheless, I said I’d answer your questions and try I shall.
I think about leaving New York the way other people think, “wow, I wonder what it’d be like to only have one arm/be of the opposite gender/get trapped in space.” It’s that scary and foreign to me. I’ve never lived anywhere this long (and six years ain’t much) and I’ve never loved anywhere so much. That said, though, I do think about leaving, especially now that “I” has become “we”. I’d like to live in Britain someday, with Stuart. I’d like to at least try living in the country (WHAT? No BLOOMINGDALE’S?) and sometimes I fantasize about moving to Brasil forever.
Most importantly, though, I never want to be the kind of person who leaves New York because she can’t take it anymore – because she’s lost the carefree and accepting sheen that makes piles of garbage on Sundays okay, that ignores the filth of the subway and the random passing commentary of the crazies. I never want to get fed up with New York. It’ll be a sad day for my inner urban warrior if I do. So Stuart and I have made a sort-of pact – we’ll only leave New York for something better, not because it couldn’t get worse.
You seem like a stylish person. What are your own personal rules for the patented Petit Hiboux look? – Jaimie
Wow! Thanks! Without tooting my own horn, I also consider myself stylish. But there are plenty things I’m not. Like, stylistically BRAVE. Or incredibly SKINNY and TALL. So this pretty much dictates the top rule of style for me:
Only where WEAR (DAMN, what am I, in KINDERGARTEN? I can’t believe I made that mistake) it if it looks good.
Don’t fall for hot trends if they look ridiculous on you (for me: ponchos, satin cargo pants). DO try trends if they look good (for me: chandelier earrings, some newsboy caps, pointy boots) but always blend them into your own style. Me, I can try on as many personalities as I like, but I’ll pretty much alway veer towards preppy-chic. And while it’s fun to be someone else, stylistically, for a day or so, remember to look like who you are.
That said, never wear ponchos or tapered pants. COME. ON. SERIOUSLY?
You don’t talk politics very much. Is it because you’ve deliberately chosen other focus points for your blog? Also, did you think “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius” Was in fact, AHWoSG, or crap? I thought it was crap, but everyone else seemed to love it. – Noisette
You’re right. I don’t talk about politics very much. I’ve come to consider it something I should only discuss with people if I want/need to learn or understand their viewpoint, and I feel my opinion will be, in turn, respected. And pH is for fun, frivolity, and good writing. Not for me to shove my liberal ideals down your throat. I don’t read political blogs either, except with Bryan Adams writes one, because he’s wicked smaht.
And yes, I pretty much thought it was crap. Not CRAP, but relative to the amount of over-the-top praise it got, crap. I have several rather sophisticated arguments for thinking it’s crap, but you didn’t ask me WHY, just IF. So I’ll shut up now.
what do you like the most about your neighborhood? and will I ever see the light of day again? – jen
MY neighborhood? Until February, missyface, IT’S OUR NEIGHBORHOOD STILL. And my favourite thing about it is the Brasilian restaurant, the old guys who sit around in Athens Plaza, the sun setting over the city from Astoria Park, and YOU.
And no, you’ll never see the light of day again. But you’ll also never pay for another meal again and if you’re still getting those chauffered rides home in this weather, STOP COMPLAINING.
Just kidding. I love you.
When’s brunch? Or drinks? – Harry
I dunno, Harry, you payin’? (Note to curious readers: I actually KNOW this cad Harry. So if you think all you’ve got to do to get me to go out for drinks with you is pay, and if you think I’d meet a total stranger for drinks if they offered to pay, well … actually… you might be on to something.)
What is your favorite children’s book from childhood? What is your favorite children’s book you’ve read as an adult? – Erica
From childhood, they’re almost too numerous to mention. We didn’t have television where I grew up, and I probably read five or six books a month through my childhood, if not more. I can only list it based on the ones I still have on my shelf, 12-18 years old, dog-eared and well-loved: all the Roald Dahl books (emphasis on Mathilda and The Wonderful World of Henry Sugar), George MacDonald’s Princess and the Goblin, Judy Blume’s Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing and Frecklejuice, and as I got older, Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women, Mildred Taylor’s Roll of Thunder, Hear my Cry, Bryce Courtenay’s Power of One, Cythia Voigt’s Homecoming, and of course, always, C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia.
As an adult: while I absolutely adore the Harry Potter books and the Lemony Snicket books in my deep sentimental heart, Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy (The Golden Compass, The Subtle Knife, and The Amber Spyglass) are hands down the best children’s books I have ever read.
You recently said something about coffee, with milk – cold for Stuart and warm for you… I have never heard of people warming their milk before puting it in their coffee. Do you microwave it? Steam it? Is this a common occurence? Am I missing out on something great? – Toryssa
I warm the milk for two reasons. 1., my favourite way of drinking coffee is ‘au lait’, as in, with steamed milk, but I don’t have a steamer, so heating it up is the best thing I’ve got, and 2. because I make my coffee SO GODDAMNED STRONG that the only way for the temperature to stay hot when the milk/coffee ratio is correct is to heat the milk. Does that make sense, or am I just far too picky?
And yes, I use the microwave. Well, Stuart does, because he always prepares my coffee in the mornings. On weekends, at my leisure, I use a tiny milk-saucepan on the stovetop, like my grandmamama would have. Always old-fashioned, me.
And yes, for the record, if you’ve never had coffee with foamy steamed milk in it, you’re missing something great.
Have – or will – you and/or Stuart change your surname(s), now that you’re married? – Listing, Slightly
You yourself have an interesting name, Mr/s. Slightly.
About my new married surname … I think I covered this several moons ago, about name-changing, but for now I’m keeping my last name. Don’t get me wrong – Stuart’s is SO MUCH COOLER, only when I pair Krissa with Autoblography (or his real name, y’know), I’m not actually sure who she is. I’m published in magazines under my own name, I’m my father’s only daughter, it goes really nicely with my middle (mother’s maiden) name …but mainly, the thing about my last name is that I’m JUST NOW starting to like it. I’m not quite ready to give it up.
So for now, I’m still Ms. Krissa Mother’s-Maiden Hiboux. But that doesn’t mean I don’t get a total thrill when someone calls me Mrs. Krissa Autoblography.
Have you ever been to the donut plant? – akaellen
I’m utterly confused. Is that like a plant that flowers donuts? Is it a trendy bar/cafe I don’t know about? Is it just ANY donut factory, or are you asking about THE definitive place that donuts are made? So confused *whimper*.
So, is Bryan Adams, political blogger, from Boston or did you pick up some Boston-isms when you visited? Because ‘wicked smaht’ is wicked Bostonian.
Also, did you know anything about html when you started pH, or did you teach yourself? Was your site cute from the get-go, or did you have an icky phase in the beginning while you figured it all out? – Kylee
Bryan Adams is THIS Bryan Adams and he’s not really a political blogger, but when he does write political commentary, I tend not to skim it. And he’s not from Boston but he lives there so of course I had to use the phrase wicked smaaaahhht.
And no, I didn’t know one single tasty LICK of html when I started pH, and while the designs were never TOO embarassing (mostly simple), the posts sure as hell were. I seriously debate closing down everything from my first six months blogging, but I’m too lazy to delete it all. Which brings us to our next commenter…
Why do you rarely comment on the comments you get, or welcome/acknowledge new readers? – Tammi
It’s because I’m an evil raging drunken bitch, Tammi. Obviously.
No, seriously, I hope that question wasn’t put forth with hostility, because I know you’re a loyal commenter and I really do appreciate it. It’s not like I get 200 thousand comments a day, like dooce.com or anything. I just don’t reply to each and every comment because, well, I’m lazy. I don’t use the comments as a discussion board unless they start to bend that way.
And as for welcoming/acknowledging … well … I thought people came here to READ. I didn’t know anyone came here for acknowledgement. My links list is, admittedly, short and relatively permanent. I only list the sites to which I’m a diehard near-daily reader, not the sites I click through from time to time.
I’d like to think, however, that this site is ALWAYS welcoming to New Readers. Should I hang a banner? “WELCOME NEW READERS 2005! HAVE A COOKIE!” That’d be cool.
- How is it that you feel about nail polish? Do you wear it, and if so, any favorite colors/brands? You always have such a glowing fresh look about you. Is it Love, make-up, or a combination of the two? And if there is makeup involved, I hope you’ll share what you use. Lovely! – Melissa
Oh my GOD Melissa, can I buy you a DRINK? How about TEN? That is seriously the sweetest thing. But I think it’s really important that every single person reading this (except my real-life friends because DAMN if they don’t already KNOW IT) know this right now:
I AM THE VAINEST SELF-EDITOR IN THE HISTORY OF EVER.
Seriously, for every picture that I post up here, that I like, there are about twenty five million that I’ve got some picky little beef with. Like, “oh my GOD, HOW MANY CHINS IS THAT ANYWAY!” or “Do I SERIOUSLY look that fat?” or “UGH, can someone just remake my entire FACE?”. Seriously, you have no idea how incredibly picky I am with pictures. Most of the time, I look like THIS.
Oh, and look carefully – any glow COULD be a result of the Dooce Effect.
That said, yes, I think a lot of it is love. I look better in pictures with Stuart in them. But I rarely use makeup. When I do, it’s usually just a light powder base with some nude-toned eyeshadows and mascara. Snob that I am, favourite brand is hands-down Lancome, but since I can rarely afford it, I settle for L’oreal, which is owned by the SAME company and most of their products are completely identical. Sometimes, if I need a really bold lipstick or eyeshadow, I buy Mac. But I don’t use lipstick, almost ever, because 1. My lips are pretty big and I don’t think they need it and 2. Stuart’s always kissing them anyway. I revise my earlier statement about that one superpower, actually – it would be to be as bold and stunning as Shiv is with her gorgeous eye makeup.
And I love nail polish, love love LOVE manicures and pedicures (favourite brand: OPI), but again, I’m really limited in my color spectrum – it’s usually either a classic red or a ballet pink or a brownish brick rose. And I never use fake nails, because I’d probably stab myself in the eyeball with them.
Thanks again, you sweet doll you.