Archives for the month of: March, 2005

It’s sixty degrees and balmy here in Zoo York. I’m wearing my new grass-green cotton blazer and Stuart’s enjoying his new job and we’ve got friends coming to dinner to celebrate, well, anything we want to celebrate. So I thought I’d give you guys a treat, should you want it -
- an 100 Things for the new season. My last list, written in 2003, was so hopelessly outdated and childishly pretentious that it was time to write a fresh one. Hopefully this one has a little less posturing, a little less structure, and is thus a little more enjoyable and honest.
Interested?

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krissa: isn’t the word “sew” weird?
biscuit: It IS.
krissa: SEW weird.
krissa: eww, that was the worst pun EVER.
biscuit: Ugh.
biscuit: It put me in stitches.
krissa: oh, god, the puns are just NEEDLING me.
krissa: i can’t even follow the THREAD of this conversation.
biscuit: I can knot deal any more.
krissa: i mean, it’s just knitpicking at this point, isn’t it.
biscuit: Now you’re just being crewel.
krissa: oh my god i could just DYE.
biscuit: Yeth, I can not a-thimble a thingle pun more.
krissa: weave really run out of ideas.

The rain is grim and determined today. It got its papers, it’s fully qualified to soak the ground and our feet and leak down our collars and foreheads and into our bags. So when I left this morning, it was with a raincoat buttoned to the neck, quick-drying cotton pants, and a lucky umbrella. I also was packed off with a thermos full of hot tea in my messenger bag, several kisses, and a fully charged iPod.
And let me tell you something about rain and commutes and general public behavior: when you’re walking through one big puddle that is your street and your legs are soaked from the knee down and you’re fighting wind to umbrella, there’s a loophole in the law that usually decrees you have to enjoy your personal stereo system quietly. Yes, I broke it.
And thus, thanks to the current infatuation (almost a decade late) with Blur, you would have seen me stomping down the street, rassling a thrashing umbrella, yelling PARKLIFE! at random intervals. And I might JUST have been sashaying my hips just the littlest bit.
What ELSE can you do on a rainy monday morning?

Cheers to sending an email politely reminding me that my hastily-constructed spring banner had the Mother of All Typos, the IE/EI in “receiving” (sincere thanks, Andrew).
Jeers to doing so in my comment box, and calling me a bad writer for it (totally unsincere thanks, Irene).

I remember hearing that Bloomberg wanted to pass a law making car alarms illegal in New York City, due to noise pollution.
“Bah,” I said. “We’re New Yorkers. We wouldn’t want our noise any other way but polluted!”
A car alarm, the honking kind, has been going off two doors down from our apartment for 50 minutes now. I’ve called 311 and registered a complaint. I’ve called my precinct and asked them to come down and do something about it. And then I went outside and put a plastic-sheathed note on the car, saying “THIS CAR ALARM HAS BEEN GOING OFF FOR 45 MINUTES. 311 AND THE 114TH PRECINCT HAVE BEEN NOTIFIED.” And then I took note of the plates.
I’m not trying to be a complete bitch. Except, that when a honking continuous car alarm has been sounding in my ears for 50 minutes, I REALLY DON’T MIND BEING CALLED ONE.

I am sick to the back teeth of winter. I am not actually someone who complains more than your average New Yorker. In fact, I try to complain less than your average New Yorker. There have been some beautiful things about this winter: my first married Christmas, quitting smoking, lovely green woolen hats and striped scarves, walking to bakeries in the snow, watching the city go dark and light up from my office window, warm sweaters and bear hugs from Stuart. On the whole, it’s been one of my better winters.
But there’s been a delay, a signal failure, a disruption of transmission. It’s snowing lightly and persistently out my window. This isn’t exactly okay. I need spring now. I’m ready. Everything in me is ready, and as with anything we wait for, I’m losing my patience. That feeling I get, when I’m already running late and there’s no subway in sight – I’m starting to feel it about spring. It’s that feeling of bubbling, childish anxiety rising through my throat, a wail of despair caught in a tangled net of helplessness and maturity combined. I’ve tried gently preparing myself for spring – why isn’t winter gently preparing itself to leave?
I’m ready! As a treat for another successful week of being healthy, Stuart braved the pushy salesgirl and the olafactory assault and bought me something else healthy – a huge tub of Olive Body Butter. The huge litre and a half of water I’m drinking a day is making my skin feel smooth and clear. The running and pilates are waking up muscles I didn’t know I had. I even broke last year’s embargo on dying my brown hair browner by seeing myself in Feria. And even though half of my closet is still banished to the Another Ten Pounds Pile, I’m getting a lot of joy lately out of the though of a short white jacket, a green tee shirt, a red necklace, tweed flats, and looser-fitting jeans.
I’m ready! My iPod rotation has gone from wintery dirges to light airy finger-snappers. My food cravings are leaning away from soups and potatoes to crunchy salads and fruits and panini sandwiches. On Saturday, we opened all the windows while we cleaned and it felt like my apartment and all its warm spring colors was being reborn.
I’m ready! My bounce, my energy, my sunglasses are all waiting, poised, on tiptoes, for spring. And it’s not here. And winter’s tentacles are gripping in deep. Rain. Frustration. Thwarted hopes around me, friends in pain or need. Muscles not responding properly. Winter, and its discontent, lingers.
I’m ready! I’m on a date with Spring and it’s late. Soon my corsage will wilt, my lipstick will fade, my shoes will slide off and I’ll slump on the front porch, no longer concerned about posture or rumpled clothes. What if Spring is so late that by the time it shows up, all apologies and crocuses, I’ve lost my bouncing happy interest?
So I’m looking out my window at the horizon, begging the sunshine to come burn away these malignant traces of dour grey winter. Begging that crisp breeze to drag smiles out of people that have been frowning for too long. Yes, okay, perhaps I’m giving a mere season too much credit. Surely, perhaps people have problems in spring, and perhaps the world isn’t suddenly perfect when the ground thaws. But right now, I’m digging into the cold hard earth and dropping all of my hope in, hoping for a fresh start for everyone when it blooms. Right now, as far as panaceas go, I can’t think of a cure better than a fresh crop of tulips in my parents’ yard, feeling the grass between my bare feet in Central Park, and that first day that an iced coffee is just what I need to match the sun’s triumphant return.
So there. I’m standing firm – I’ll stop complaining about winter right about the time it gets the hell out of my life. Bring it ON, Spring.

I made the new banner you see above for me as much as for anyone else. All those verbs that complete the third person sentence “le petit hiboux is…” are there to remind me what I’m doing, and what I’m not doing, which is stagnating. Le petit hiboux is not stagnating.
This is something I’ve had to tell myself a lot recently, in my late-night self-evaluations that turn into complicated, sleep-deprived metaphors. I am not stagnating simply because I’m in the same comfortable, if intellectually-unstimulating, job that I’ve been in since graduation three years ago. I am not stagnating simply because I have made noises in the direction of various master’s degrees without actually applying/accepting any. And most of all, I am not stagnating simply because writing is still like blood-letting from a stone.
One of the complicated metaphors I used, trying to understand my past and future trajectories, is the tale of the Hare and the Tortoise. You know, the Hare that stood at the starting line, derisive and snarky with his confidence in the awesome power of his hind legs, in his god given ability to shoot across the plains in single-digit bounds. And you’ve met the Tortoise, who took the grit and determination as compensation for the total lack of speedy forward trajectory, the Tortoise who didn’t give up in the face of natural propensity towards plodding slowness. And you know who won the race.
See, I’m worried that I’m the Hare, the grasshopper who sang through summer, whatever. That the natural talent I find myself somewhat undeservedly in posession of, when it comes to writing, will be useless if I never write anything. I realized, a year or so ago, that there’s absolutely no point in pretending to desire any other career path, when there’s only one thing I’m good at in the way where I can’t imagine myself NOT doing it. So what, then, am I doing? Will I end up the Hare, knowing all along what a good runner he is, spending most of the race at the pub, bragging about victory while it slips him by?
And then there’s the hunting v. fishing metaphor. What is “trying”? A fisherman sits very quietly at his rod, with only the measly dangling offer held out towards his goal. Coming upon this scene, you could almost call his task fruitless, his sitting a waste of time. But he’s working, isn’t he, you just can’t SEE it. Do you sit around and wait, quietly, for the words to come to you, for the stories to be naturally attracted to your ability to tell them? Or should writers be hunters, stepping carefully though miles of woodland, looking up every tree and turning around every corner? Will the inspiration then be as easy to trap as an enormous deer is to fell, at close range? What’s the path?
The problem with these metaphors, see, is that they don’t give you the answers. Neither do other people, as valiantly and lovingly as they try. My father tells me that a true writer cannot help but put words and ideas down to paper, and needs nothing but a writing utensil and somewhere to write it. He says this in that way that’s uniquely born from his experience as a man who never needed anything but his own legs to stand on and the support of my mother. I don’t need graduate school, he assures me, but if I want it, it’s mine to take.
My mother and brother both tell me the same thing, and have been doing so since I was ickle bitty. “You’re a writer,” they say, “so write.” It’s such simple advice, but such a tiny liferaft when I start wondering if I’ve fooled everyone spectacularly.
“It’s hard work,” my agent (and friend) tells me. She tells me this to reassure me not to run scared away from the path just because it isn’t flowing through my fingers like water. She sends me articles, and lists, and inspiration, on an almost daily basis, and this is overwhelming because it’s a testament to her faith, not my prolific body of work. Which isn’t so much a body as a trembling leaf.
And then there’s Stuart, and while it almost goes without saying that he’s supportive, there’s no putting into words just how far his quiet unconditional support extends. He will hold me to no standard lower than “I am a writer” which is both terrifying and exactly what I need.
But it’s not, in the end, other people. Or should I say, in the beginning. In the beginning, it’s nothing but myself, a blank paper or screen, and my inspiration or lack thereof. What I’ve got, I think, is talent. What I don’t have, I’m sure, is discipline. My parents might just whoop for joy at their daughter finally admitting this about herself, but I have a discipline deficiency. It’s not a total lack, mind. I’ve thrown myself full force at many things I care about: this blog, my friends, the college newspaper, being good at crosswords, falling in love. What logically doesn’t follow is, the one thing I so desperately want to be good at – writing – is the hardest thing for me to actually DO.
None of this is new. Most writers spend a lifetime struggling with how to go from think to do. Like the Hare, however, I’m not used to things I’m good at being difficult. I’m not very good at chasing the carrot – at knowing that through the hard work and the effort, the most worthwhile goal will be achieved. I’ve taken success and talent for granted, is the crux of my new challenge. And as time goes on and the stakes are raised, I’ve got to raise my own game.
The writing life, I’m finding out, won’t be easy. It may be blood-letting from a stone for the rest of my life. Like any relationship, it will have its moments that make me want to fold, and it will have – I hope – such great heights as to keep me in love. Anything that’s worth doing, though, is worth going through the fire for. Perhaps I spend too much time worrying about the second half of that sentence. Perhaps, of all the metaphors I’ve concocted lately, what I’m really looking for is running.
If everything aches while you’re it, you’re pushing yourself and that’s good. If everything feels better once you’ve finished, you’ve succeeded and that’s great.

In discussing various financial windfalls of the Tax Return and Part Time Work variety, Stuart and I just had the following conversation:
krissa: and then you can put your paycheck together with my tax return,
krissa: and they can get super-cozy together,
krissa: and mingle,
krissa (4:44:07 PM): and maybe even have high-yield interest-babies together,
stuart (4:44:07 PM): And have little interest-babies.
Note the time stamps on those last two lines. INTEREST BABIES INDEED.


I like to think that if Stuart and I were ever in a pretentious band like Belle and Sebastian, this would be our album cover.
* Only be warned – the Next and Previous buttons are freaking out in some of the other galleries. I wish someone would fix them for me. Hi, Jason!

The best thing about being single and on a hot date is, after a delicious dinner you can go home with your sexy partner and TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF AND GET IT ON.
The best thing about being MARRIED and on a hot date is, after a delicous dinner you can go home with your sexy partner and take your clothes off and get it on? AND THEN YOU CAN CURL UP ON THE COUCH AND DRINK TEA AND EAT BLACKBERRIES AND SCREAM AND LAUGH AT SHAUN OF THE DEAD.
Wait, you want more?

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