I just got another rejection from one of the lesser-competitive options, leaving me the three big scaries on my list. Blah blah blah faith self-confidence trust in myself keep on keepin’ on etc etc blah blah.
Anyone got any funny jokes? Greg? I’m looking at you.
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SUCK!
but i do hope you get GOOD news soon.
i have no good jokes, i’m not good at performing under pressure.
Any college that has to resort to rejecting you in order to feel good about itself has bigger issues than the basic academic ones to work out. You’re better off.
How many admissions officers does it take to replace a lightbulb?
They aren’t interested in replacing any actual lightbulbs per se, but they will require three references, an official transcript and a 750 word essay to support your claim that their office is totally dark. Tip: use glowing ink.
And good luck with the rest of the process…
Are these people illiterate?? I mean, COME ON!!
I have a couple of jokes that are best understood if they are said aloud, as they have that funny word play thing that doesn’t come across super well in a written form. Oh well…enjoy.
Two peanuts were walking down the road, and one of them was a-salted.
A guy walks into the Dr.’s office and says “Dr., Dr., you’ve gotta help me!! I’m a teepee, I’m a wigwam, I’m a teepee, I’m a wigwam.” And the Dr. says: “Sir! You must calm down! You’re two tents!!”
have you heard about the insomniac agnostic dyslexic?
he stays awake all night, wondering if there is a dog.
best of luck to you.
What did one chick say to the other chick when their mother laid an orange?
“Look at the orange Mama laid!”
Keeping fingers crossed for you…
A Scotsman, an Englashman and an Irishman walk into a bar and order a pint. Paddy Scotsman looks down and sees a fly in his pint. He looks around, sees no one is looking at him and fishes the fly out of his pint. Paddy Englishman looks down and sees a fly in his pint. He stands up, disgusted, and leaves the bar. Paddy Irishman looks down and sees a fly in HIS pint. His fishes it out and starts banging it against the bar, yelling, “Spit it out! Spit it out!”
A friend of mine from Castlebar, Ireland told me that joke once over curry chips when we were totally drunk after a night at the disco. Hope it brings you a smile.
Ok so here’s my best joke. It doesn’t work so well on paper but the key is in the delivery. I usually find laughing maniacally as the punch line gets closer is a very effective way to convince people that it is actually funny.
Ready?
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting Co[MOO!!!]w (who?)
cue fits of giggles
geddit…you interrupt cause you’re the interrupting cow.
right.
Hope the good news comes soon.
Joke #1:
Irish Miracle
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. “So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have ya been?”
“Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.”
“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.
“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”
Joke #2
Paddy, the famous Irishman, is driving home after downing a few at the local pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that there is yet another tree directly in His path. He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees.
Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to a stop. The officer approaches Paddy’s car and asks him what on earth he was doing.
Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says, “Fer crissakes, Paddy, that’s yer air freshener!”
Enjoy
Here’s a joke for you that I find inexplicably hilarious:
Q: What’s brown and sticky?
A: A stick.
Fingers crossed for you!
Everyone’s jokes have been awesome (I never DON’T like a good drunk Irishman joke) but Marcia and Jaimie, you ladies are ladies after my own heart. The more nonsensical or obnoxious a joke, the more I like it. To wit:
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Phillip.
Phillip who?
Phillip.
Phillip who?
Phillip.
Phillip who?
Phillip.
Phillip who?
Phillip.
Phillip who?
Glass.
Glass who?
Glass.
Glass who?
Glass.
Glass who?
etc etc etc until the person punches you in the face. Much like I’d like to do to Phillip Glass. Props to Conrad for driving me crazy with that joke for the better part of three years.
That Philip Glass joke is fantastic in every way. I will tell it to all my friends at the earliest opportunity. It seems like it is the highbrow version of this schoolyard classic:
Knock. Knock.
Who’s there?
Banana.
Banada who
repeat ad nauseum until you think the other person is going to kill you. repeat it one more time. Just as they are reaching for your throat change it to this bit:
Knock. Knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
Again, I find that uncontrollable giggling throughout the entire delivery really adds to the joke.