On the eve of my last day as a desk-bound working woman (well, a corporate desk anyway), some thoughts:
I love that my friends are willing to be cheerful and determinedly positive in those few moments when I lose my grip on brave and start wibbling my bottom lip. I also like that they’re willing to go drinking heavily with me at a day’s notice even though my email requesting such a presence was somewhat pathetic.
I hate that your last paycheck at any given corporation is withheld for about a week just to check whether you owe the company anything. Yes, Corporation For Which I’ve Never Even Held An Expense Account, DO make my financial life difficult for the next two weeks just in case I DIDN’T have that extra lunch that one time you DIDN’T pay for it.
I love that my parents have been so mind-numbingly, heart-breakingly COOL about this. The hardest moment in this whole decision was asking my father if he thought I was a snob, or lazy, for choosing to take a different path than he did – my father had to work his tuchus off for forty years and he did it for his family, would he think I wasn’t capable of the same sacrifices? When he told me he was proud that I had a chance to make a choice not available to him, I totes nearly lost it. And my mom, well, y’all know my mom. Lady is just COOL.
I hate that I might not need to buy a monthly metrocard. I hate it so much it makes me want to cry. I actually refuse to not buy one, even if it means I’m not being economical, simply because I refuse to believe I won’t be enough of a part of this city to NEED one.
I love the idea of business lunches, with myself, outside in the park.
I hate sending query emails.
I love finally realizing that if a desk job has stifled my creative writing impulses, then yes, it DOES make sense to get a non-desk job, if only to release those trapped little impulses into my days.
I hate the self-loathing I’ll go through when I’m lazy.
I love that I have a good damn reason not to be lazy.
I hate the thought of forgetting to eat meals because that’s what I do when I work from home.
I love Stuart. Srsly. I literally would not be doing this if he didn’t see the great positive brilliance of it all, every time I don’t.
I HATE HATE HATE that my iBook just-over-two-years-old hard drive is in fatal failure and I need to get it serviced and replaced. SCREW YOU AND YOUR TERRIBLE TIMELINESS, COMPUTER.
I love this one thing I’ll never forget: when I thought I was really being flat-out fired, at the beginning of all this (before the second, very elucidating conversation with the boss), I called Biscuit and I told him and he said “THAT’S FUCKING FANTASTIC!”. I love that I actually know someone who’d have that reaction, who’s so in tune to the silver lining that HE IS ACTUALLY THE LINING ITSELF.
I hate this!
I love this!
It is bittersweet, the leaving of the corporate world. I’m right there myself. I guess that I would be grateful that you have that last check to head to your local Apple store, a beautiful one at that! Being a Mac pro, I wouldn’t guess that you NEED to replace the computer, rather repair it, unless that need is actually want. Your iBook has a lot of life left in it.
Best of luck with your venture, I hope you get some cash coming in soon!
No, no, my bad, I didn’t mean to say replacing – no replacing. Just repairing. For a lot less than the Apple store will charge me, I’m looking for a reputable repairer elsewhere.
I wish that I knew someone like your Biscuit. What a perfect comment for that situation. It just wouldn’t have been the same if he’d said, “Well, darling, we’ll figure it out” or “Poor baby” or even, “That’s fantastic!” None of them have quite the same ring as “THAT’S FUCKING FANTASTIC!” Cheers to Biscuit!
Mmm. Biscuit. Made of silver.
Trust me, folks, EVERYONE has been amazing and supportive and full of cheesy words of awesome support. If you ever leave your safe comfy jobs for the unknown, considering renting my friends and family. They send you flowers and e-cards and listen to you whine and call you even more often than they usually do just to tell you they love you.
They all, in a word, rock.
I quit my job in children’s publishing in March – simultaneously the most exhilarating and terrifying thing. Even when I was totally impoverished I still bought a weekly tube ticket. I too refuse to not be enough part of my city to need one. And – y’know what – I do need it!
Mx
Aha, something that is definitively better in California than New York: there, they are required by law to give you your paycheck on your last day of work. It was nice for me, since I, yunno’, skipped across the country the day after my last day of work.
Thing you should love: meeting us for heavy drinking immediately after work because you won’t have to be in the office until 6 anymore.
Thing you may not love: business lunches, with me, in Jersey.
Good luck. And the subways are much cooler when you don’t buy the montly Metrocard.