A few months back, I was head-hunted about a job at a foundation. Right before my trip to England, I went to the interviews, took the copy-editing test, and did my best. In the end, when the job was offered (while I was on vacation), I turned it down. Although the stability and organization of the work environment appealed to me, the job was essentially project-managing the creation of literature for the foundation and there was no writing involved. As a step, it wasn’t up. It was sideways.
Two days after turning down the job and returning to my then-current job, my boss and I sat down for the conversation that led to my departure. It was scary but ultimately exhilirating, and I had a sneaking suspicion it was the right thing to do.
But in those scary moments, I couldn’t believe – couldn’t believe – that I had just turned down a job. My best friend, Erin, had this Bichon Frise, Niki. Niki was, like lots of Bichons, a big weenie. Every now and then, she’d run out the front door, euphoric at her triumphant escape from the house. Ten minutes later, she’d be at the back door, howling raggedly to be LET BACK IN WHERE IT’S SAFE.
I was Niki. I wanted to call the job that wasn’t right for me and beg them to take me in, bring me in from the cold scary place where the signs are telling me to fucking make my own way, already, and do what I want to do.
This new job shouldn’t need to confirm to me that I did the right thing, I’m doing the right thing. I should know that already and if you pressed me, I do. I know that each week it gets easier to sit down and write and that’s a good thing. Each week my late-night freak-outs where I cry on Stuart get less frequent, and that’s good, too. So I already knew I was on the right path.
But I wasn’t expecting the right job, especially when I wasn’t pounding pavement like a maniac looking for it yet. I was sending out a couple resumes a week, to only the jobs I wouldn’t turn down, and this was one of them. Teaching, in an afterschool literacy program, for exactly the amount of time I was hoping to dedicate to something challenging and worthwhile. And then something challenging and worthwhile came along. And I start in September – the Powers That Be even granting me a few more weeks of intensive writing before I shift my schedule. It’s difficult for me to believe, but it’s what I need, exactly when I need it, just when I was worried I was asking too much.
For all my pragmatism (WHAT, it’s IN there SOMEWHERE) there’s a part of me that still firmly believes that if your goal is worthy, if you have a dream that you deserve and have earned, then what you need will come to you when you need it. The universe will conspire to help you, as Paulo Coehlo would put it. It’s soppy as far as convictions go but I’m glad to keep hold of it for one more round at least.
And I’m glad I didn’t run to the back door, howling for safety.
from there to here
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Krissa, that’s great. I was really curious what you were going to be doing, and I think this sounds like a perfect fit. Congratulations!
This is fantastic. Thank you for sharing!
Kep it up! I’ll be over here keeping my fingers crossed for you.
Krissa, that sounds like an awesome job! It’s such inspiration to see other people’s dreams coming true.
That sounds wonderful! And I second the importance of gelato in the evening, or in the afternoon, or the morning…
The best thing about Nikki was that when she’d get that chance at freedom and start running like the wind down the street, little head held high with the pride of escape, all it took was was one word to get her to turn around and come scampering back – CHEESE! CHEESE NIKKI, CHEESE! We would scream. That little dog loved cheese more than freedom. Man, that is deep.
Remember that summer in Houston when I was a bad influence on you and we’d hang out, get stupid, and you’d eat shredded cheddar cheese from the bag and pass out and wake up with dried up little cheese shreds all over you? Hee! You can edit that out if it’s not fit for public viewing.
I’m proud of you, kiddo, for following your dreams and stuff. Carebear power!
You know, THIS is why we’re still friends – just in case I ever think I’m really as perfect as I think I am, you’re there to remind me that sometimes, I fell asleep with cheese all over myself.
It was a golden moment.
Good for you to sticking to your dream! I’ve had moments myself in which I feel like Nikki…get me back to where it’s safe!!
And it is really amazing how things fall into place when you need them, like you said. Congratulations!
Good for you! It’s so hard turning down something when you don’t have anything else. I did a similar thing about a year back – I doubted myself so many times. But it was right – I knew it was in my belly down there, but it’s hard to justify at the time. And I had to wait a good six months to be rewarded. But it was still right.
And look, you were right too!