Today, Stuart and I had to dig my car out of snow.
Correction: Today, Stuart and I had to dig my parents’ car out of snow.
Update to the correction: Today, Stuart and I had to dig my parents’ rear-wheel-drive Toyota 4Runner (see how nifty that is? NOT actually four wheel drive) out of snow.
Addendum to the update of the correction: Today, Stuart and I had to dig my parents’ rear-wheel-drive Toyota 4Runner out of snow that had been PACKED INTO SOLID ICE OVERNIGHT.
FINAL ADJUSTMENT to the addendum to the update of the correction: Today, Stuart and I were much aided by our neighbor GEORGE who helped us dig my parents’ rear-wheel-drive Toyota 4Runner out of the snow that had been packed into solid ice overnight, and George mostly helped by LAYING SHOULDER TO THE CAR WITH STUART AND PUSHING.
That’s right. Two tons of screaming metal actually requires humanpower, not horsepower, to get out of a fortified rampart of ice-packed snow. But you never see that in the Chevy commercials, oh no. Not built FORD TOUGH, is it, if it needs a few hundred pounds of man behind it, shoving for Britain.
Two lessons I learned today:
Always pay it forward, as we did with Carl this evening who was struggling to get his Saturn over Mount Vesuvius. And yes, Neighbors Who Just Looked Out the Window At Us Like Chumps, we DID open your driveway gates and use the slope for leverage, JERKS.
Secondly, even though you take the subway and spit-polish your sense of superiority for not being a car owner and you know we all do, New Yorkers, never ever laugh at those mounds of expensive mechanical machinery under two feet of snow. THOSE PEOPLE MIGHT BE YOU ONE DAY.
Thus endeth the lesson.

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