I’m fighting a cloud of maudlin today. Maybe it’s that school starts again after a whole glorious week off in which I was both lazy and productive and enjoyed both immensely. Maybe it’s other annoying news I can’t really discuss here, but will soon, I promise.
But I actually think it’s hormones. The thing is, I don’t get down or depressed easily without something concrete bothering me. But from about 9:30 last night to now, I’ve felt fragile and tense and irritated with everything. I’ve taken to moving very slowly and deliberately through the apartment because one tiny bump or misplaced glass or scrape on my shin will test my patience, to the point where I think, “I should just start crying and get it over with”.
Even pulling on a sweatshirt and getting my head stuck in the arm hole made me cranky. And there’s no good reason! It must be hormones. I must be hormonal. And it’s exactly the right time of the month, too, which is weird since I rarely get affected by that. But I’m hormonal! And tetchy! Going for a run, making a cup of tea, trying to get some writing done, even cleaning the bathroom counter (shuttup) didn’t help. I didn’t write enough, nearly enough, because the craptacular mood kept getting irritated to the point of frazzled by all the construction going on in a one-block radius to the apartment (THREE! THREE DIG SITES!).
I mean, maybe I do have a bee in my bonnet that I haven’t placed my finger on yet. But maybe I’m just hormonal. I feel like I have to give myself permission for this dark cranky mood, justify it somehow, absolve myself from not snapping right the f! out of it. Is that good, because it means I’m usually functioning at a much higher happiness level? Or is it bad that I can’t just let myself be in a funk?
Who knows. Now I’m going to class and that means trying not to take it out on seven year olds.
Tried-and-true funk-lifting methods, feel free to share.

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